did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize