Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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