sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
