Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
