spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
