dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
