whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
