I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
