she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize