I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
