I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
