Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
