Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
