so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
