So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
