sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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