it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
