is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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