I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
