i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
