I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Congratulations! We have a period
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