your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
