dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize