Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize