whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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