And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
