she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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