After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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