Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
