Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
