It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
