Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is wine microwaveable?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
