Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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