Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize