Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
