i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it because I queefed?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
