and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
