Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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