In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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