Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
