I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize