Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
