You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
