Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize