so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
