I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
