I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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