she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize