i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
