it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
