yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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