He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
