Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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