She is in my trunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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