Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ruined the universe
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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