you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
