Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
