every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize