the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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