Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
