capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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