she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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