so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
