i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she told me i tasted like america
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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