I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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