I accidentally burped into my bong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize