i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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