Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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