He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
