what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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