hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
