every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A bitchslap is in order.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
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