i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
