I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
