Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
