Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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