He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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