His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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