Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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