I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
