Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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