It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
