Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
