Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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