when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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