everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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