What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
