I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
