I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
