Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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