Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
