why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
