Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
