She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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