i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
