I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
