Duck Duck Cougar?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize