I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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