3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Green mimosas i think yes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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