Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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