Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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