I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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