I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
