in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
