So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
