Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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