Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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