We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize