i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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