dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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