Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i need some magic done to my vagina
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
