i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
