Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize