i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
