also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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